We’re now almost a month into the new school year and, for many children, September has brought big changes – a new class, a different form group, or even a whole new school. Parents often hope that by October, their child will have adjusted and be well on their way to settling in.
But the reality is often more complex. A Natwest survey found that 80% of parents feel anxious about their child starting a new school year. And the data shows those concerns are valid: research by ImpactEd Group highlights the so-called “Age 11 Dip”, where more than one in four pupils begin to disengage from school during Year 7 – just as they make the leap to secondary education.
So what should parents be looking out for?
While parents are often told to watch for obvious warning signs like tears at the school gate, Lindsey Wright, Senior Tutor at leading education platform TutorsValley, says there’s a far more overlooked clue to pay attention to.
“If your child suddenly loses interest in a subject or activity they used to love, this can be a red flag,” Lindsey says.
“Often parents think disinterest is laziness, but it can be much deeper than that. When a child disengages from something they previously enjoyed, it’s often a sign they’re struggling to feel comfortable or confident in their new environment. Anxiety and low self-esteem can make even their favourite subject feel overwhelming.”
“If this is the case, encourage gentle steps back toward that subject or activity rather than pushing too hard,” Lindsey advises. “You could revisit it together at home in a fun, low-pressure way, or remind them of the aspects they used to enjoy.
It also helps to talk to teachers or activity leaders, who can often provide extra encouragement or adapt the way your child engages. “The goal is to rebuild confidence slowly, so the activity feels safe and enjoyable again rather than another source of stress.”
Other subtle signs your child may be struggling
- Receiving reports that your child is being overly well-behaved. “Some children respond to feeling unsettled by masking it. They’ll try to be the perfect student, avoiding mistakes at all costs, and flying under the radar. That constant self-monitoring can be exhausting and a sign they don’t feel safe or confident yet.”
- “If a chatty child suddenly clams up and starts going quiet about their day, it may be because they don’t have positive experiences to share.”
- Frequent stomach aches, headaches or requests to stay home; anxiety often appears as physical symptoms.
- Mood swings after school. “Many children hold it together during the day, only to release pent-up frustration and anxiety at home.”
- “Talking excessively about new friends can be a mask for insecurity and a way of convincing themselves and others that everything’s fine.”
- Harsh self-criticism and comments like “I’m stupid” or “I’ll never get this” may reveal deeper struggles with confidence.
How parents can help
The good news is that spotting the signs early gives families a chance to act before things escalate. Lindsey recommends:
Open gentle conversations
Ask specific questions like “what was the best part of your day?” or “who did you sit with at lunch?” instead of “how was school?”
Validate their feelings
“Let them know it’s normal to find a new class or school hard. Don’t rush to reassure or say, ‘you’ll be fine,’ as that can shut the conversation down.”
Maintain routines
Consistent mealtimes, bedtimes and after-school habits help anchor children when everything else feels new.
Model calm confidence
“Children take their cues from you. If you project positivity and stability, they’re more likely to follow suit.”
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Tutors Valley is a UK-based online tutoring company that has supported over 100,000 children with tailored tuition at all levels over the past decade.
Lindsey Wright is the Head of Operations and a child learning specialist. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education and 20 years of teaching experience.
Article brought to us by Tutors Valley
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
