For many years, I worked in a corporate environment, clocking in ten to twelve hour days, trying to climb my way up. When I had my first child I realized that I could not sustain being the kind of mother I wanted to be and a career woman at the same time. Fast forward 14 years, two more children and what I call an ideal career, one where I am my own boss and make my own hours, and I still struggle with spending quality time with my three children. Yes, I sit with them at dinner trying to get a glimpse of their lives and drive them to their after school activities and appointments. I instill no screen time and yet I still struggle with that quality alone time where both they and I can connect with one another.
Years ago when my middle son was six years old, he was having some behavioral issues and being the outsourcer that I am, I found a program called Parent Child Interaction Therapy, and enrolled myself and my son. The program consisted of supervised play time activities with my son and homework to be done on a daily basis. The homework was simple, set a timer for 5-10 minutes and spend this time completely immersed in the activity your child chooses. The program was a success and my son’s behavior drastically improved, but my takeaway was this, children, of all ages need special time with their parents.
I do not always find the time, and weeks can go by, especially with my oldest and most independent without this time but both my husband and I always go back to “special time” with our children, especially when they seem to be craving attention.
What does special time look like as a mom of a 14, 12, and 7 year old? My ideal way would be to go out to a restaurant of my kids choosing, and yes that might be dunkin donuts, my phone is placed in my bag and my child spends time rehashing his or her day. With homework and after school activities it can be challenging to find that amount of time, which is why we might have to settle with time before bed for my seven-year old where I read a story or we snuggle and talk about the day’s events. It can also look like a bike ride over the weekend. Whatever the activity is, my goal is connection. The time carved out feels more grounded and more present. What I have found is just as we need to schedule date night’s with our spouses, we need to schedule special time with each individual child.
Article Composed by:
Ilana Milstein
ACE Certified Personal Trainer
Balanced Pilates Certified Pilates Instructor
Founder No Excuses Training
@noxcusesfitness
www.noexcuses.nyc
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
