1 Peter 3:1—Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

In verses 1 and 2, Peter made the point that a wife’s greatest asset in winning over her husband is a godly character. Then in verses 3 and 4 he lays out exactly what a godly woman looks like. He begins with her physical appearance because this is a good indicator of her spiritual appearance. It would not be too much to say that the inside produces a woman’s outward appearance.

The Greek word for “adornment” in 1 Peter 3:3 is kosmos, related to the English word “cosmetic.” Kosmos is an umbrella term that encompasses everything related to the outward appearance—clothing, makeup, or jewelry. Note that Peter’s instruction does not forbid outward adornment: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward.” The use of the word “merely” means a woman’s beauty should not come only from her outward appearance. The NASB and Amplified Bible render this: “your adornment must not be merely external.” Women are not being instructed to neglect their outward appearance; instead, they are being told that outward beauty should not be their primary focus.

Scripture Supports Beautifying the Outward Appearance

For any readers who have been made to feel guilty about any form of external beautification, let me point out that Scripture actually makes positive references to jewelry and fine clothing.

Proverbs 25:12—Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.

Gold jewelry is compared to the way an obedient ear accepts instruction. If outward adornments such as earrings were immoral, Scripture would hardly compare them to wise behavior.

Song of Solomon 1:10–11—Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold. We will make you ornaments of gold with studs of silver.

The beautiful bride in Song of Solomon is complimented on her jewelry. I have discussed the Virtuous Wife of Proverbs 31, and it is significant that she was not applauded for outward simplicity or plainness. Instead, she was applauded for the way she adorned her family and herself:

Proverbs 31:21b-22—All her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

In that time period, scarlet, fine linen, and purple were costly materials worn by the wealthy.

Isaiah 61:10—I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

This beautiful verse compares salvation and righteousness with fine clothing, ornaments, and jewelry. If outward adornment were immoral, God would hardly compare it with salvation and righteousness. An even stronger positive reference comes from God’s proclamation in which He describes His chosen people, Israel, as a beautifully dressed bride:

Ezekiel 16:11–13—I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists, and a chain on your neck. And I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth.

If outward adornment were ungodly, we can be sure that God would not outwardly adorn His people as a gift. Having said this, however, a balance needs to be struck and it is provided for us in parallel instruction to 1 Peter 3:3:

1 Timothy 2:9—Women [should] adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing.

Again, the emphasis is not on forbidding women from adorning themselves. Rather, they are told to adorn themselves in a modest and non-extravagant way. The Bible speaks positively of outward adornment, but it also commands moderation and decency. Women must exhibit self-control in their outward beautification.

Outward Appearance Is a Reflection of the Heart

Women should give attention to their outward appearance because each of us—male or female, young or old—is an ambassador of Christ. Women should examine what they wear and why they wear it. Is the motivation to attract attention, or to be a good representative of the Lord?

When a woman dresses immodestly she makes herself into a walking temptation who shows no regard for her brothers in Christ. A woman might dress immodestly because she is insecure, desperate for attention, or does not respect herself. Regardless of the reason, although immodesty manifests itself physically, it begins in the heart. The way a woman looks outwardly says a lot about the way she looks inwardly.

A married woman should keep in mind that the more modestly she dresses, the more attractive she will be to her husband because more is reserved for him alone. Conversely, the more immodestly a wife dresses, the more she makes available to other men, and less is reserved for her husband.

Three Mistakes to Avoid Regarding Outward Appearance

Immodesty is not the only mistake women make when it comes to their appearance. Three others that should be avoided are:

Focusing too much on outward appearance, which reveals an unhealthy preoccupation or, worse, an obsession
Looking disheveled, tacky, or sloppy, which projects laziness and an unwillingness to invest the effort to look decent
Wearing excessive jewelry, makeup, or extravagant clothing, which can be as distracting as having no concern whatsoever for outward appearance

Discussion Questions to Answer in Comments Section:

Prior to reading this introductory section, how did you view outward adornment? How do you view it now? What has changed?
What stuck out to you the most?
Considering the four mistakes women make when it comes to outward adornment (immodesty, focusing too much, disheveled, and excessiveness), answer separately and then discuss together:
- Husband: Does your wife give an appropriate or inappropriate amount of attention to her outward appearance? Why do you feel that way?
- Wife: Do you give an appropriate or inappropriate amount of attention to your outward appearance? Why do you feel that way?
- Husband: Do you express appreciation at the way your wife takes care of her outward appearance? Why or why not?
- Wife: Do you feel your husband expresses appreciation at the way you take care of your outward appearance? If yes, do you thank him? If no, what are you doing that you wish he would notice?
- Husband: Do you feel your wife makes any of the four mistakes related to outward adornment? Why or why not?
- Wife: Do you feel you make any of the mistakes related to outward adornment? Why or why not?
Husband: What does your wife’s outward appearance say about her heart?
Wife: What does your outward appearance say about your heart?

Most of this post is taken from Marriage God’s Way and the discussion questions from the Marriage God’s Way Workbook. If you would like to subscribe to Pastor Scott’s newsletter and receive free chapters of his books and videos of his messages at conferences, please click here.

I would like to let you know this Guest Post was written and published by Scott LaPierre and he is going to bless us with future pieces so be watching for them. As well we his new book coming out soon. In the meantime here is a review I was able to do on this book and the workbook. Once you have a chance to look over the review leave us a comment and let us know what you thought.