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By Clare Norman, author of ‘Cultivating Coachability’
Don’t work with a coach who says, or even hints, they have it all figured out. No human being on Earth is that perfect – if perfection even exists.
The reality is that every coach needs a coach of their own.
And a coach supervisor.
And a coach mentor.
And a therapist.
And many other supportive and challenging squad members besides.
Maybe not all at the same time, but each of these roles helps to shape a coach to be the best they can be for you. You should expect this of them. Check that they have a support team before you agree to work with them.
Why? Because it tells you that they are serious about doing their own work. That they recognise that they need to deepen their own awareness about their own trials, tribulations and triumphs. The more they understand themselves, the more they can stay out of your way as they help you to understand yourself. Otherwise, they may get entangled in your stuff. And that may well stop you from untangling yourself.
I have worked with several different coaches over my 24-year coaching career, several coach supervisors, several coach mentors. And just lately, a therapist (and wish I had invested here long ago).
I’ve been coached on my working relationships when I worked in an organisation, my work itself, my beliefs about myself, my values, vision and mission. Since becoming self-employed, ten years ago, I’ve been coached some more on working relationships, my work, my beliefs in myself, my values, vision and mission.
Coaching has been vital to my personal learning and growth in a way that I could rarely figure out alone. And I will continue to invest, because I am still learning about who I am and what I bring to the world. I’m experimenting with being coached by an AI, but I see that as an interim measure in between human-to-human coaching sessions, because so much of my coaching is about human relationships and there is a parallel process that happens in relationship with my coach, that I can learn from and apply in my relationships outside of coaching.
Coaching keeps me agile.
Coaching supervision is the place where I talk to my supervisor about the coaching work itself, where I feel stuck or lost or entangled or unsure how to work with someone or a group. I take ethical dilemmas to chew over. I spend time resourcing myself to be the best coach I can be.
Coach training can only take us coaches so far; it’s in doing the work that we come across things that trip us up and need some further attention. Trying to figure it out alone will often lead to more self-doubt, such as “am I the only one who…..”, or “I should be able to problem solve this…”, but it’s in the talking out loud that we see patterns and find answers that are unique to the situation in front of us and the clients that we work with.
Coaching supervision keeps me safe and sane.
You may never have heard of coach mentoring/mentor coaching. It’s a part of the International Coaching Federation’s (ICF) credentialing process. It involves being observed by a more experienced coach, and discussing how you actually coach, with the ICF competencies as the benchmark. Some coaching supervisors offer it, using a different set of competencies, depending on the coaching body that a coach is aligned to. What’s special about this is that the coach is able to reflect on their actual strengths and can commit to stretches that will enhance their coaching. Coaches can be self-delusional, just like anyone else, so working with actual coaching recordings rather talking about their coaching can get to a more rounded understanding of their real strengths and stretches.
Mentor coaching keeps me sharp.
I came to therapy late in life, in the last year, in fact. I was hesitant, believing I had no trauma to deal with and that that’s what therapy was all about. What I have discovered is that it enables me to better understand who I am: the multi-faceted, multi-part, multi-coloured whole of me. And without conscious trying, I have become a more loving human as a result. This is not just self-reported – my husband tells me so! And my colleagues and clients. Happy-go-lucky, softer and yet still with boundaries. I could evangelise about therapy, but I know that might switch you off. But I do know that it has made me a more relational coach, more empathic and more differentiated from an AI coach!
Therapy is making me more accepting of my and others’ imperfections.
Coaching isn’t always the intervention that will meet your need. But if you have established that it is and if you are ready to do the hard work of thinking with a coach at your side, vet them well, to be sure that they have a team around them who will enable them to be the best they can be for you. There will be other things you’ll want to ask them in this vetting process, but this one feels really crucial to me.
Is this coach investing in themselves and their growth in a way that they are inviting you to do for yourself?
It seems rather hypocritical to me that any coach would think they don’t need a coach of their own. How can they be selling this to you, without buying it for themselves?
It’s not a once and done. It’s a continuous exploration of becoming for all of us humans. And if the coach is quietly or loudly arrogant enough to think they are “cooked”, move on to find a different coach; someone who has a thirst for learning about themselves as human beings.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Clare Norman is author of ‘Cultivating Coachability’ (2024) and founder of Clare Norman Coaching Associates. Clare is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF), a Master Mentor Coach and a Certified Coach Supervisor. She has a Masters in Training and has received multiple awards for ground-breaking leadership development. For over 25 years, Clare has focused on maximizing individual, team, and organisation effectiveness, enabling people to express their needs, in service of a more caring world. Clare’s two previous books are ‘The Transformational Coach (2022)’ and ‘Mentor Coaching: A Practical Guide (2020)’. For more information see: https://clarenormancoachingassociates.com/
