As a mom one of the things I tried to stress to Charlie when he was growing up is to be kind and to think before you speak. As he becomes a adult its like he has forgotten that message. More times than not he is mean or rude even though he says he is trying to be kinder I don’t see it.
I’ve begun to think he is Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde or Bi-Polar if not both and his best friend Bradley also thinks Charlie is bi-polar and that he needs help. Which he isn’t going to get and as a mom this is a battle I’ve had to give to the Lord.
There are days when life teaches us lessons we never expected to learn and running errands with Bradley and Charlie last week was one of those days. I was reminded being a mom doesn’t stop when your children become adults. If anything, sometimes it becomes even harder because you want to help, but you also hope they’ll begin to appreciate everything you do.
Last week started with Charlie telling me to hurry because we had errands to run before he went to work. I quickly got dressed because I thought it was just the two of us. Instead, we had to stop and pick up Bradley. Ironically, we waited and waited for him because he wasn’t even dressed yet.
I couldn’t help but think about how I had been rushed out the door, yet no one seemed bothered that we were waiting on someone else. Our first stop was AutoZone. Charlie and Bradley wandered around while I finally walked up to the counter to ask about the air filter Charlie needed. As we were leaving, Bradley mentioned getting an oil change.
I explained that AutoZone doesn’t perform oil changes. His response caught me off guard. “Then why’d you bring us here?” The truth was, I hadn’t brought anyone there. Charlie had chosen the stop. For just a second I wanted to ask, “Why are you talking to me that way?”
Instead, I stayed quiet. Sometimes peace is worth more than winning an argument. I picked my battle that day, and that wasn’t the one I wanted to fight. From there we headed to get the oil changed. I suggested doing it before finishing the rest of the errands because you never know if there will be a long wait or if you’ll have to go somewhere else.
Charlie actually agreed. For a brief moment, things seemed better. After the oil change we stopped at Walgreens so Charlie could buy foot powder. I helped them find what they needed, then they told me they didn’t need me anymore. “Just go.” So I did.
Then Charlie turned around and repeated it. “I told you to go.” Those few words hurt far more than he probably realized. I walked outside and stood by the car because it was looked and I couldn’t get in. Even though it was in the 90’s and getting to hot makes me sick it was easier than being yelled at.
By then my feelings were hurt, and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Sitting outside a hot car while waiting only made everything feel worse. The rest of the afternoon followed much the same pattern. We stopped at City Trends for socks. Then a tire shop. Then another tire shop.
Everywhere we went seemed rushed, stressful, and filled with impatience. The saddest part wasn’t the errands. It was the words. Words have a way of staying with us long after the day is over. Even after I got home that evening I could still hear they way Bradley and Charlie talked to me.
While I was pondering the day Charlie called because his car wasn’t running right. I thought about letting Charlie figure things out for himself after they way he had been treating me all day. Being a mom and wanting my son to be safe David and I immediately dropped what we were doing and drove to help him.
At first we couldn’t even find him because he said they were going to wait at Albertsons for us. But they had decided to go ahead and drive the car even though it was messing up to work because neither of them could afford to miss ora day or be late to work.
David and I take off to the Airport to check out the car because they had gone into work. David spent a long time trying to fix the car. Nothing worked. We called a few wreckers but they were more than we had. We had to leave it there.
Instead of asking politely for help finding another vehicle, Charlie simply texted us and told us to go he was sending up his money and to go and find him a car he didn’t care where or what kind just a car so he could get to work. Even though David had been up since 3 and needed to eat dinner we went to the carlot
Before we could even get there Charlie begin to blow my phone up about the money he had sent us. We needed to send it back. Mind you David is driving and its in his cash app account I don’t know how to use. We get to the carl lot and get a car for Charlie finally.
No “please.” No “thank you.” Just another demand. Send me my $100 back I said you couldn’t use. Even though we had thought he was going to put it on a wrecker to get the other car home along with the money Bradley was giving us and David and I had.
No, he needed his money and has spent on God only knows what while the car is sitting at the airport and now he is wanting to sell that car instead of paying to get it home and see what is wrong with it. When I say no, all I get it backtalk and it’s my car I will do what I want knowing David and I need the car.
As a mom, those moments hurt. Not because of the errands. Not because of the money. Not because of the inconvenience. Because kindness seemed to be missing. I’m getting to the point I’m ready for him to move out even though I would miss him because he isn’t just ugly to me but to his dad and Gerald as well.
I know teenagers and young adults are still learning. I know they’re under stress. I know work, responsibilities, and life can become overwhelming. But kindness should never disappear. You never know what someone else is carrying or why.
Parents carry a lot. We worry. We pray. We sacrifice. We give rides. We spend money. We give up our own time. We lose sleep. But we keep showing up because that’s what parents do. No parent expects perfection. We simply hope for respect.
A simple “thank you.” A “please.” Or even speaking with patience instead of anger can mean more than most young people realize. At times I’ve wondered what Charlie would do if I talked to him the way he talks to me but I can’t do it because I know it would hurt his feelings and I don’t want to do that.
The Lesson from My Front Porch
As I sat thinking about that day, God reminded me that I can’t control how others speak to me. I can only control how I respond. That doesn’t mean hurtful words don’t sting. They do. But I refuse to let bitterness take root in my heart because it will eat us alive.
Instead, I choose to keep loving. I choose to keep praying. I choose to believe that one day these lessons about kind words will make sense. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday. As I sit her and PRAY his kids don’t treat him the way he treats me.
A Gentle Reminder
If you’re reading this and you’re a teenager or young adult, I hope you’ll remember one thing. Your parents won’t be here forever. Trust me. One day you’ll wish you had one more chance to say thank you. One more chance to give them a hug. One more chance to speak kindly. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Kind words cost nothing.
Yet they are worth more than money can ever buy. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone isn’t something you purchase. It’s simply choosing to speak with kindness. Tomorrow isn’t promised and one day those you love will not be here and you will regret the way you treated them.
Scripture
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” — Colossians 4:6 (NIV)
Question for Readers
Have someone’s kind words ever changed your day, or have hurtful words stayed with you longer than you expected? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
