There are lessons in life that we understand in our heads, but sometimes we have to live through them before they truly sink into our hearts. This week, I learned one of those lessons. Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s keeping my sanity and my blood pressure from rising which I don’t need.
I spent six hours trying to fix my own blog. I searched, I asked Chat GPT and I tried different things, and fought through the frustration because I thought, “I can figure this out.” But after hours of trying, I still couldn’t solve the problem. I was in tears by the time David came home. Both David and Charlie were so upset because they couldn’t help me.
Finally, I had to reach out to Sarah Lehman. She wasn’t even sure if she would be able to help me, and by that point, I was completely defeated. Then I thought, “Let’s ask Renee Brown.” And you know what? The world didn’t stop because I needed help. It just gave me peace of mind to work on other things while she handled the problem I was having.
That moment reminded me of something I want my boys, Charlie and Bradley, to understand: asking for help is a strength, not a failure. Sometimes pride keeps us stuck. Sometimes we think we should already know the answer or that needing assistance means we aren’t capable. But the truth is, we were never meant to do everything alone.
I wanted to share a hard lesson I had to learn as a mom. Being a mom means loving your children enough to help them, but also loving them enough to let them learn. That balance is hard. Especially when more times than not there disrespecting me and not following the rules David and I’ve made.
This week brought some tough conversations and some moments where I had to remind myself that I cannot fix everything for my children. I can guide them, encourage them, pray for them, and be there when they truly need me — but I cannot make choices for them.
Charlie is learning some difficult lessons about responsibility, money, and taking care of the things he needs to take care of. As a mom, it hurts watching your child struggle, especially when you know they are capable of doing better. There have been moments when I wanted to step in and fix everything.
I wanted to argue, remind, push, and make things happen. But I have learned something important: Not every battle is mine to fight. Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is step back and allow their child to experience the consequences of their own choices.
That doesn’t mean I love my child less. It means I love him enough to let him grow. Because setting boundaries is love. This week, David has told me I need to work on setting more boundaries. That is not easy for me. As a mom, my first instinct is always to help.
But I am learning that helping does not mean doing everything for someone else. Kindness and love must also include respect and consideration. I am still a person too. My feelings matter. My time matters. My energy matters. I can be supportive without allowing myself to be hurt, exhausted, or taken for granted.
Sometimes boundaries are the hardest form of love because they require us to step back and trust that God is working even when we cannot see the outcome. This is the lesson I’ve had to learn this week and to teach Bradley as Charlie has been doing things he shouldn’t and dragging Bradley alone with him.
As a mom we need help to and the on thing I hope another mom hears today is this: You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to say, “I’m struggling.” You are allowed to ask your friends and family to pray for you, encourage you, and help you stay strong when you are trying to do the right thing. You are allowed to say NO!!
This week, I am asking for help. I am asking my friends and family to help me stay strong as I continue learning how to set healthy boundaries with love. I know I will stumble. I know I will have moments where I want to jump back in and fix everything. But I also know I have the Lord walking beside me.
My prayer is not that my children never struggle. My prayer is that through those struggles, they learn, grow, and become stronger. Sometimes the greatest lessons come from the moments when we finally realize we cannot do it all on our own. And that is okay.
Because asking for help isn’t weakness. It is a reminder that we are human, and we were created to walk through life together. From my front porch to yours, remember: You don’t have to carry every burden alone. Ask for help. Accept help. Give help. That is where growth begins.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
