For our family there are seasons in life when helping others feels easy, natural, and even joyful. And then there are seasons when helping starts to feel heavy. Even though I still show up. I still give. I still try. But something shifts when appreciation doesn’t come back the way you expected.
Sometimes it’s not a loud moment that breaks your heart—it’s a slow buildup. A lack of thank you. A feeling of being overlooked. A sense that what you do is expected but not valued. And over time, that can leave you wondering if helping others is even worth it.
As much as I hate to admit it this is where I’m at with Charlie. As much as I hate to admit it was easier when he was in Hobart because I didn’t feel like I was walking on eggshells all the time. I also wasn’t made to feel like I’m a worthless person who is in the way all the time.
But here’s something important to remember: helping others was never meant to depend on recognition. People won’t always respond the way you hope. Some won’t say thank you. Some won’t notice the effort at all. And some may even take it for granted.
That doesn’t erase the value of what you do—it just reveals where your strength has to come from. Because when helping others is tied only to appreciation, it becomes fragile. But when it’s tied to purpose, it becomes steady. Still, even steady hearts get tired. And tired hearts need wisdom.
There is a difference between helping freely and helping from obligation. There is also a difference between kindness and self-sacrifice that leaves you empty. This is how I feel with Charlie the more I try and help or make sure he has the things he needs the more he walks all over me.
I’ve decided this week it is okay to step back when I feel overwhelmed. I’ve also learned its is to pause when I feel drained. And it is okay to recognize that being helpful should not cost you me my peace. From now on my room is my room and you will not come in without calling first.
I’m not going to worry about dinner or snacks for you. Your working and can purchase your own food and prepare it. You can stay out till the Cows come home and I’m not going to wait up or call you to see where you are. Yes, I will worry but I’m not going to subject myself to the verbal abuse and bullying.
Helping others is meant to flow from love, not depletion. And love—true, grounded love—includes boundaries, even when they are quiet and unseen. As I learn this I have to set steps and stick to them because I can’t always depend on David to fight my battles for me.
So if you’re in a season where helping doesn’t feel appreciated, take a moment to breathe. You are not failing. You are simply being asked to realign your giving so it doesn’t break you. Because the goal was never to lose yourself while trying to help everyone else. The goal is to keep your heart steady enough that kindness can still live there tomorrow.
Front Porch Teachings #5
Published by TheMommiesReviews.com
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
