🌿 A Little Bit of Breath Today 🌿 Real Life, As It Is

I knew today was going to be hard before I even put one foot on the floor with David’s dad still in the hospital. I knew I would need a Little Bit of Breath Today 🌿 so I wanted to take the time to share my families Real Life, As It Is. This is Entry 5 of our series.

Today is Suzzie’s birthday. If you’re not sure who Suzzane is she is my daughter and Charlie’s sister. She passed away at 16. If you want to know more about her, I would be happy to tell you about Suzzie and so would David.

And as I sit her to work this morning, I keep catching myself thinking about her birthday in the middle of everything else like it just slips in without warning. Tonight is the first time I’m not preparing Suzzie’s favorite meal for dinner this evening.

I’ve decided we will have Spaghetti for dinner which David will cook when he gets home. The Dogs underfoot which happens more times than night. The usual morning noise is happening as I try and work this morning.

I’ve been thinking more and more about going to Hobart to see Charlie. Then my mind drifts to David’s and dad and I end up thinking about the nursing home visit today. Then right back to Suzzane again and what she is doing today.

Suzzie is Charlie’s sister which needed repeated… and today that just sits heavier than it normally does. I miss her. Not in a neat, reflective way. Just in that way where it shows up in the middle of everything and doesn’t really leave again.

I’ll be doing something completely ordinary and suddenly I’m wondering what birthdays are like for her now. Or what today even means where she is. Then I snap back to what I’m doing because life doesn’t stop for that thought.

Nothing about today is paused. Dogs still need sorting. Dinner still needs doing. We still have to go where we’re going. And I’m just moving through all of it with this running underneath everything else.

Missing her.
Thinking about her.
Carrying that into all the normal stuff we still have to do.

That’s really it today. No big reflection. No neat ending. Just Suzzie’s birthday sitting inside an ordinary day that doesn’t feel ordinary to me. Because of what today is I didn’t wake up different today. No sudden reset. No burst of energy. No feeling like everything is suddenly handled and under control.

But something is a little lighter. Not in a big way. Just enough that I notice it. The house still looks the same. Life still feels full. There are still things waiting for me before I even finish my coffee. But I don’t feel as buried under it today.

Yesterday felt like I was just pushing through everything—one thing after another, not really catching my breath in between. Today feels more like I’m moving with it instead of against it. Slow. Still tired. Still very aware of everything that needs doing.

But not drowning in it the same way. And I think that’s something I’ve learned lately—
it doesn’t always go from hard to easy. Sometimes it just shifts from heavy to manageable.
From overwhelming to “okay, I can handle this next thing.”

And that counts too.

I don’t need everything figured out today. I don’t need to make up for yesterday. I just need to be here in this moment and let it be what it is without fighting it so hard. Maybe that’s the win today. Not catching up. Not fixing everything.

Just… breathing a little easier than I did yesterday However today shows up for you, give yourself a little grace in it.

Thank you,

Glenda, Charlie and David Cates