I don’t know about you but throughout my life, Father’s Day has never really been a traditional holiday. When most people think about Father’s Day, they think about celebrating their dad. For me, it’s always been a little different because there wasn’t just one man who helped shape my life.
Growing up, the man I respected most was my grandfather. My Papa was one of a kind. He was my grandmother’s dad. He was in the Navy and of course he had the dancing women on his arm. Before he got sick with Cancer he owned a gas station.
This was the man who would run away from home and hide under a tree because my grandmother wouldn’t give him the medicine he thought he needed. He was stubborn, funny, and completely himself. He also knew exactly what I liked. If he was bringing me a treat, it was grape soda from Safeway in one of those glass bottles.
To this day, when I see grape soda in a glass bottle, I think about my papa. I lost him when I was in sixth grade, and even all these years later, I still miss him. I wish more than anything Charlie and Suzzane would have had the opportunity to meet him because he would have loved them more than life itself.
Then there was my other grandfather, my dad’s dad. He owned a farm in Oklahoma and he also worked for a tractor company when I was growing up. He was the grandfather who believed rules were more like suggestions when it came to grandchildren.
My grandmother would tell him not to do something, and he’d do it anyway. One of my favorite memories is him letting my brother and I have ice cream for lunch even though he knew perfectly well he wasn’t supposed to. Man oh man did he get into trouble but like he said it was worth it.
Grandparents have a way of creating memories that stay with you forever, and both of my grandfathers did exactly that. My dad was my father, and I know he loved me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that love doesn’t always look the way we wish it would.
My dad struggled with things that made our relationship difficult at times especially with his drinking. There were hurts that didn’t disappear overnight and moments that shaped me in ways I’m still understanding today. But I do know my dad loved me which he got better at showing after my mom died.
But Father’s Day has taught me that life isn’t always black and white. People can love us and still disappoint us. People can make mistakes and still matter. And while my relationship with my father wasn’t always easy, the men around him helped fill some of the spaces that needed filling.
As I grew older, I realized something important. I kept collecting fathers. Not fathers by blood, but fathers by love. One of those men was my Uncle Chuck. He was my dad’s oldest brother and someone who helped raise Suzzane. I love that man more than words can say.
Chuck was there through so many moments of our lives, and he never made us feel like we were anything less than family. He taught acceptance without ever preaching it. He taught kindness without ever making a speech about it. Chuck simply lived it. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky we were to have him in our lives.
Then there was Ed. Ed was Suzzie’s step-mom Angies dad but he became Suzzies grandfather in all the ways that counted. Ed and Judy even treated me like there daughter and when David and I got married he became one of Ed’s best friends and that is why they are Charlie’s godparents because from the very beginning they treated me like I belonged in there family.
Tere was never a distinction. There was never a reminder that I wasn’t related by blood. Ed and Judy simply adopted my family into there heart the same way he did everyone else. Ed became one of the people I trusted most. When I think about people who truly changed my life, Ed is always near the top of the list. I thank God for him every single day.
And then there’s Bill. Now Bill is probably one of the most entertaining people I’ve ever met. He’s one of Charlie’s best friend’s grandfathers and lives right down the street. He has absolutely no filter. He’s the kind of little old man who says whatever is on his mind, whether anybody is ready to hear it or not.
Half the time he has me laughing so hard I can barely breathe. The funny thing is that he reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The things he says. The way he talks. The way he carries himself. But unlike my dad, Bill tells people exactly how he feels about them. That makes me feel loved in so many ways which I need more than you know.
Then there is David’s dad. There are moments in life that stay with you forever, and one of those moments happened shortly after David and I got married. There were people who didn’t approve of our marriage. There were opinions. There was criticism. There was judgment.
And then David’s dad did something that nobody in my own family had ever done. He stood up for me. He stood up to his own mother and defended me. He defended my marriage. He defended my family. It may have seemed like a small thing to someone else, but it wasn’t small to me. It was one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me.
Then there was Debbie’s daddy. My best friend since 2nd grade. Wayne was a preacher and one of the first preachers I ever really knew. He loved to tell jokes and tease people. He would actually take the time to listen to what I had to say when no, one else would.
One of my favorite memories is Wayne singing, “Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette” every time he got the chance because he didn’t approve of my mother’s smoking. He could make me laugh without even trying. Looking back now, I realize he was teaching lessons even when he thought he was just joking around.
And then there was Ted. Ted was my best friend’s dad, and he helped watch Suzzie while I worked. Some of my favorite memories are of Suzzie sitting there with her six-pack of Coke while Ted had his own six-pack of Coke and a giant stack of pizza sitting between them as they watched television together.
It wasn’t fancy. It wasn’t complicated. But it was love. More importantly, I knew if I ever needed help, I could call Ted. No questions asked. He was one of the first people I called when Suzzie died and he wanted to sell everything he owned to pay for her funeral. To me that is unconditional love I never had until I meet him.
Those kinds of people are rare, and I never took that for granted. When I look back over my life, I realize how fortunate Suzzie and I were. We had an army of fathers and Charlie does to although he isn’t as close to them as Suzzie and I were but that is because Charlie has David and Suzzie and her step-dad Everett weren’t that close although he did love her.
Some of our adopted dads were grandfathers. Some were uncles. Some were family friends. Some were neighbors. Some were connected by blood. Others were connected only by love. Every one of these men helped shape my families lives.
And now, when I look at Charlie, I realize he has been blessed in much the same way. He has had men in his life who have encouraged him, supported him, and cared about him. Some may never fully realize the impact they’ve had, but the impact is there all the same.
That’s why Father’s Day isn’t really about biology for me. It’s about the people who show up. The people who love us. The people who guide us. The people who stand in the gap when we need them most. Whether they’re fathers, grandfathers, uncles, mentors, neighbors, coaches, or family friends, they matter.
Today I’m thankful for every one of the men who helped raise me, helped raise my children, and helped make our lives better simply by being part of them. Father’s Day may not look the same for everybody. But at its heart, it’s about love. And that’s something worth celebrating.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
